Issues With The World - Part 1
I have decided to take a leaf out of the Heroes book and save the world. I am listing some of the many issues I have with the world today and I hope you join me in the fight to correct them:
People who nickname themselves Kaka during kickabouts - You’re not Kaka mate, you are totally crap though. The best way to deal with such bell-ends during random games is to stand them up by 2 yards and wait for the opportune moment to nip the ball away. Honestly, it just pisses them off. The real Kaka though is just short of god-like status.
Traffic Lights - Are they not just the bane of your existence? Apparently there are 38 sets in the 8 miles between my house and university. Is there a f**king need for half of them? NO. There are now 4 sets down the A68 in Dalkeith each about 150 yards from each other serving no other purpose than to let people cross - GET RID OF THEM. Make the distance between them larger - It’ll help reduce the obesity issues people in this country have if they have to walk further or faster to cross the road. Or bring back more zebra crossings.
The price of sweets - Do you remember the days of paying about 30p for a bar of Dairy Milk? Nowadays you’d be lucky if you’re paying under 55p for one. It is extortion, plain and simple. What about places like WH Smith and Woolworths that thrived on the offers like 5 for £1. You’d be lucky to get 2 for £1 these days!
Buckfast and other Neddy drinks are partly responsible for the downfall of society - I have a solution. You see, Neds are allergic to any sort of culture - It’s their kryptonite in a way. Hence why the government should force Buckfast to change it’s name to Le vin de moines. Could you imagine young Chantelle and Chelsea-Jade asking for Le vin de moines at their local off-license!? How about we change Lambrini to Le Vin de Raisin Doux Italien while we’re at it?
Old people that have the sole purpose of stopping in the middle of a busy street. Do you not realise you’re in everybody’s way? Do you not know there are 20 difference coffee shops in 100 yard radius of where you’re currently talking to Margaret? You had all week to go shopping with her, why not Monday at 10am? No, you have to go Saturday at 1pm, don’t you? Just to cause everyone else pain!
I hope you enjoyed this first installment - There are plenty more to come!
April 1st, 2008 at 9:39 am
haha imagine chomps were actually a pound. They’d still be bought though - they are amazing.
Old people on buses deserve to be shot, but they don’t annoy me much on the street. It’s usually people with prams that have issues with moving in my experience.